I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
