I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
