8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
