3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Found your dick twin last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
