Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Randomize
