Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
