I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you win again, gameday.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
