you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
