Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
