Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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