I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
