my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
