she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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