he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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