My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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