you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
