i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
