If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize