now i know why i became what i already was.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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