So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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