I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
