K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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