If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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