Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
