i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
