We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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