I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
