I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
