Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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