So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
