I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
