you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
