dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
