That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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