dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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