five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
