so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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