I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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