I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
