He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize