i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
