I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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