Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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