tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
