she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
