Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
