At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
