his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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