Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
