Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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