Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
