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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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