You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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