eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
