Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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