Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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