I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
