just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
