I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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