I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
