he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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