I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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