she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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